Me. At least after what I've been through.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
