K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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