Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
