the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize