I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
