Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
