i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize