I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
