am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
