I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
