Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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