The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
