Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
