Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
