nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
