in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
