I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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