I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
