based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
