I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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