i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
