This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
