so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
