YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
