Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
