Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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