don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize