I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
