At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
