i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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