We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
