Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
