I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize