now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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