Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
