Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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