put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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