so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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