last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
