The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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