Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
