I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
