i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bring me that man meat
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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