that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
