but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
