Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
