shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
