I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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