I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
