There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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