You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
