Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
