I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
