the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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