I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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