I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
