How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize