Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize