do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
