Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
