the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
