Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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