I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
