There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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