You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
