I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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