I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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