hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
