So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
